15 things I learned from my first day of work:

*1) Toilets do not clean themselves. [I get to.]
*2) Paper cuts sting more than a jellyfish.
*3) 8 paper cuts sting more than 8 jellyfish.
4) When people don't say 'thank you' after you spend 5 HOURS alphabetizing their STUPID manila file folders that caused you 8 PAPER CUTS, it's not right to call them pompous assholes your first day on the job. Really, they don't appreciate it.
5) Seriously, they don't.
*6) When someone stares at you menacingly, it's not right to let out a little girlish giggle.
*7) Really. It's not right.
*8) If you get caught reading, think of something more creative to say then, "uh, sorry." and then hanging your head.
*9) When someone hands you money for transportation and you don't have a bag on you, don't stick it in your bra right in front of your middle-aged, going through life crisis manager.
10) If, like me, you're not getting paid .. don't complain about it loudly. in front of your middle-aged, going through life crisis manager that just got a free peep show, and has still not recovered. remember, this is more action than he's got since he took health ed in high school.
11) When your boss is talking to you, and your rat-faced, overweight coworker laughs at something you said, don't turn around and rudely exclaim, "WHAT. HAVE YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY ME TO? SAY IT. SAY IT BEFORE I RIP OUT YOUR MALE ORGANS AND DISPLAY THEM IN MY HOUSE."
12) And if you do happen to rudely exclaim, "WHAT. HAVE YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY ME TO? SAY IT. SAY IT BEFORE I RIP OUT YOUR MALE ORGANS AND DISPLAY THEM IN MY HOUSE," and everyone is staring at you, don't start crying.
13) And if you do happen to rudely exclaim, "WHAT. HAVE YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY ME TO? SAY IT. SAY IT BEFORE I RIP OUT YOUR MALE ORGANS AND DISPLAY THEM IN MY HOUSE," and everyone is staring at you, and you start crying .. don't start telling them about what an awful day you had, and how everything went wrong, and how they're all slave drivers. They don't want to hear it. Really, they don't.
14) When they fire you, make a more graceful exit than the one I made. Don't trip, and then rudely curse. It's not ladylike.
*15) And when you're blogging about it the next day .. don't lie like I did. Really. It's unattractive.

* facts really happened. look at 9 again.