What an Eyesore.

My eyes are burning. There is like, fire inside my eyes. My eyes are being burned out of my sockets. There is intense pain going on in these eyes of mine.
And i can't even touch them.
For 5 minutes now, I have been sitting in the medical office waiting room of my eye doctor.
Let me clarify - I have been sitting on my hands. The circulation has been cut off of them. I can't feel my fingers.
I am not allowed to touch my eyes. These so called doctors just sprayed burning lava into the sockets that previously housed my eyeballs, and I can't scrape the lava out.
This is because I have 'done enough damage to them already.'
I suppose it is for that exact reason that they are damaging my eyes even more. So as to prevent my ability to hurt them anymore.
Because their plot has become clear to me now: These people are tying to kill my eyeballs.
I guess I should clarify on what the hell I am doing here instead of taking my computer science test like a good Stuyvesant student. The answer is that I am dying. In this medical office. And all because I didn't 'use my contacts properly'.
What a load of bull. Pshaw. Just because I didn't wash my contacts out everyday like I'm supposed to, and used the same contact solution for 4 weeks, and the contacts got completely dried out and I stuffed them into my eyes anyway, and then my eyes got all red and satanic and cartoon character huge and oozy due to my awful contact use, does not mean that i am at fault here.
It is obviously their fault. Them and their stupid 'medical degrees' this and, 'professional eye doctor' that. I was just doing fine with my red and satanic and cartoon character huge eyes until these stupid doctors poured BURNING LAVA INTO MY SKULL to make it 'all better'.
I mean, just because I can see clearly now doesn't mean they helped. I will take cartoon character huge eyes anyday over burning lava. But I guess that's just me.
And why did my mom send me to my eye doctor, anyway? Just because I came home with my hands in front of my face so that I could feel my way home, doesn't mean i'm not capable of living with these eyes. I mean, I got home in one piece, didn't I? Well, mostly. One of my fingers is still trapped in those subway car doors. And why did she yell at me? I bet this happens to people all the time. Well, not the 'losing finger in subway car door' thing. Because I've never actually seen that happen. But using the same contact solution without changing it or cleaning it for four weeks it totally a normal occurrence, right? Yeah. Definitely. Just because I've never seen it happen doesn't mean it doesn't, right?
Oops. Have to go. My doctor's coming back, and now that I can see her face, I see she's pretty angry. In fact, her face is doing that weird eyebrow thing it did when this happened last month, and she told me it better never happen again. Talk to you guys later!

The truth comes out.

The truth is that sometimes being the really funny short kid gets old.

I've been the funny kid my whole life, and i'm a really boring person once you get to know me. Sometimes I just want to shed this comical skin and be myself, but I'm worried that without the cracks, nobody will want to stay friends with me. The jokes are a gimmick. It's for you to go, "hey, it's cute the cute short kid. look at her, that funny kid."
I don't want to be the funny kid. I want you to like me for me. I want you to tolerate me even when i'm being a bitch, and deal with the sarcasm, and not mind if sometimes I just want to sit there quietly and think. Or cry.

And the truth is that most of you won't be there for me when I'm just in a crappy mood and need a companion. And that most of you will ditch me if I'm going through a tough time. Oddly enough, this doesn't disappoint me. That's because I can say, "ditto for you." I don't have all that many friends I care about. This is not to say I'm anti social or whatever. It's just that I only care about certain people. I'll talk to you in the halls, and I'll give you a christmas card, but I probably don't give two shits about you. Not meaning that I don't care about the person, but meaning that .. I can only care so much. I'll bring you ice cream when you're down, and buy you a birthday gift. But I won't sit there and listen to all your problems, and I sure as hell won't give you my share of the water if we're sitting side by side in the sahara desert, waiting for death to come.

As for some of you .. I will be there for you. I will sit there and wipe your spit when you're sputtering about how he dumped your sorry ass. I will spoon feed you Ben&Jerry's Chubby Hubby if you become paralyzed. I will scooter over to your house in the dead of night if you tell me there's a problem. And I will take a bullet straight to the chest if I know that it means you'll be alright.

Those are the people who listen. Those are the people who don't care if I'm telling jokes, or telling secrets. Or even rambling on and on and on about some stupid math problem.
Those are the people who care.

& those are the people I love.

Things I learned during my first week as a sophmore in Stuyvesant High School:

1) Freshmen are tiny. The fact that sophmores ever were freshmen is a shocking and unbelievable fact that you still can't fully comprehend.
2) The senior bar is still offlimits. Very, very offlimits.
3) The halls get even more crowded every year. And freshmen are completely capable of shoving and pushing sophmores to their feet.
4) Running from the 2nd to the 9th floor in under 4 minutes is an impossible feat to accomplish.
5) Especially when you're wearing flats that you have not yet broken in.
6) And carrying 2 chemistry textbooks. Two thick chemistry textbooks.
7) Contrary to your hopes, the sophmore boys did not get any more attractive. Although
they got taller. Something that you, at 5 feet and half an inch, do not appreciate.
8) Telling your very bat-like assistant principal that she should go hang upside down on a tree branch might cause her to burst into tears. But how were you to know that she had a long history of ridicule from her fellow classmates throughout her elementary school career? Yes, 8 year olds can be very cruel people if they choose to be.
9) If you thought your 10th floor homeroom would get switched to a lesser floor, you were very very wrong in your assumption. Sadly wrong.
10) Classes that are only 27 minutes long? Very nice.
11) Lunch that is only 27 minutes long? Very, very upsetting,
12) Freshman boys - ooh la la.
13) Ooh la la. Those freshman boys.
14) Those are some seriously attractive freshman boys.
15) The. freshman. boys. are. unexplicably. hot.
16) Don't talk to your friends, even if they're sitting right next to you. No matter how tempting it will be. Because, seriously, your teachers WILL separate you. And put you in the front of the room to "keep an eye on". Which means that texting is not a possibility. Which, frankly, sucks.
17) Truly a suckish situation.
18) And if you're sitting next to your friend, and are passing them notes about your very round and temperamental teacher, please use a code name. Your teacher might not like being referred to as a , "fat dumb cow with no teaching capabilities."
19) Especially not if you throw in that it's, "about time she gave birth to the growing quintuplets that have been living in her stomach throughout your high school experience"
20) And don't curse in Russian in Spanish class, because it is a possibility that your spanish teacher knows like 580705 different languages and knows exactly what you said, and that it was about her and her unibrow.
21) Don't make fun of your math teacher's math tie. It is a possibility that it was made for him by his dyslexic son. Y'know. A highly unlikely possibility. But one that might have happened. To you.
22) You TOTALLY have the right to remain silent about your evil doings, even if your english teacher explains that this is a classroom, not a precint, and she is a teacher, and not a police officer.
23) If your female teacher is telling you this, don't mutter under your breath the words, "you're not a teacher. you're just an overweight amish man who's buying his time until he can go into retirement" because you just might be very close to the truth and she might just get very offended.
24) Starting a water balloon fight in computer science class and damaging 15,000$ of equipment is not something the adminstration takes lightly.
And lastly,
25) These days, people might take the threat that you're, "GOING TO BLOW UP THE SCHOOL AND EVERYONE IN IT" very, very seriously. And they might just search your pockets, your backpack, your locker, AND your home. And then they might kick you out of Stuyvesant High School. And your mother might not take it as lightly as she did when you got fired from your job. Just a thought.