Be warned: The following story shows extreme stupidity on the part of the writer. I'm actually really embarrassed about the following story because it reflects just how dumb America's children are. You can read it, but it's pretty much one of the stupidest things I've done ever.

Since this is the 4th of July, I will share a funny story ... about the 4th of July.
When I was in Canda, I went into a restaurant and they had a list of holidays they had off - Christmas, New Years, etc.
They didn't have Columbus Day, or the 4th of July, or any of those other REALLLLLLY AWESOME HOLIDAYS that you get off just because some dude was like, "Alright. I'm going to go do something amazing, and get a holiday named in my honor." Because seriously, how the hell do you celebrate Columbus Day? Get a cake with sailboats on it? Seriously, it's just an excuse to throw a party.
Anyway, I was like, to the French dude behind the counter [i will refer to it as a dude, because i couldn't really identify it's gender], "Excuse-a me-a?" [Because I remember reading somewhere that in the French language you can pretty much add an a to anything, and you have a new word. I don't know if this applies to Canada. Hell, I don't even know if there's such thing as Canadian, because there sure isn't anything called Englishian.]
And the dude [it], goes, "WHAAAAT?"
Which I sure don't think was very polite, seeing as how I was a guest, and trying to speak the dude's language.
But I pardoned his stupidity and his rudeness, and I was just like, "How come you don't get the 4th of July off?"
I know, I know. How stupid. But I was young. 14. A naive young girl, but I can be forgiven. So much time has passed since then - 2 whole months. I have grown in mind and in body. But mostly in mind, much to my mother's disappointment.
Anyway, the [it] replies, "Well. Because. We are not American."
And I didn't get it at first. I was like, "Yeah. But that's not really a reason to .."
And then it hit me. Kind of the way it hit me my mother was pregnant, when she was in the delivery room. Or that people call me paulabear because it sounds like polarbear.
The first thing that hit me was the fact that they were Canadian, so of course they wouldn't celebrate an American holiday. It's like French people celebrating Cinco de Mayo. Or Russians celebrating Valentines Day. It's not done. Really it's not.
The second thing that hit me was that I really needed the bathroom. And the 3rd thing followed soon after, and it was the thought that I was really slow sometimes.
The 4th thing that hit me was WHY THE HELL IS THIS dude BEING SO PATRONIZING. I mean, yes, I said something stupid, but this guy was probably the kind of guy who closed the toilet seat on his winkie every other day. Hell, he probably didn't even have a winkie. I couldn't even identify its gender.
So then I realized that this guy was being a complete a-hole, and I was just like, "YOU KNOW WHAT. MY FAMILY AND I ARE OUT OF HERE. GOOD DAY."
But I didn't say the good day part, because really, he was being a mean person.
And we didn't give him a tip.
And that was a really stupid story, I'm sorry.
ENJOY THE FIREWORKS. AND THE HOTDOGS. AND PLEASE DON'T WEAR RED, WHITE, AND BLUE. BECAUSE THAT'S TACKY. AND YOU'RE PROBABLY STARING AT THE SCREEN RIGHT NOW AND GOING, "AW. I FEEL TACKY."
To which I can only reply, "Um. Yeah."
HAPPY 4TH OF JULY !