Dear teacher,
This summer vacation was very fun. I worked in a daycare as a buttwiper for minimum wage.
This summer I got food poisoning on two occasions.
I do not appreciate the fact that you made me write this essay for several reasons.
This includes
1) That the only people who write essays like this are 3rd graders. I should know, because my sister is writing the same essay next to me.
2)That you gave me an assignment like this one the first day of school. Let me tell you teacher, that was pretty freaking uncool. You are number one on my list of teachers who I will slaughter on April Fool's day.
3) You are my freaking art teacher. Where does this assignment tie into the curriculum?
4) I made plans for today, thinking I wouldn't get any work. And then you hit me with this. It's not appreciated.
5) My sister just looked over my shoulder, and notified me of the fact that she is getting extra credit for this assignment. I am not getting extra credit for this assignment. I am angry about this.
6) You told us that if we bailed on this assignment, our test average was getting docked. Which is clever of you, I suppose. But I am not the biggest fan of cleverness.
But I suppose I should start talking about my summer.
This summer was unlike any other summer I've ever hard. For starters, I had a job. And a real job, not one of those under the table operations where I got paid 20 dollars a week to alphabetize paperwork. No, no, this was a real job, where I did real work, and got paid real money. Not like last time, where I was paid in pesos. Which I later discovered was not, "just really pretty american money with spanish words on it."No, I will not be duped once again by those very smart latino people.
Also, I gained 5 pounds. This is a serious accomplishment in our household. My mother was ecstatic and allowed me to buy a pint of Ben&Jerry's Half Baked. I did. It was very good. I can understand that you just got a craving for ice cream, teacher. Go ahead. Buy some. This paper can wait.
Now that you're back, I can keep telling you about my summer.
Well, I walked in on my parents making whoopie. This was not one of the more exciting aspects of my summer. In fact, it's chalked up there with being stung by a jellyfish, a bumblebee, and my mother's persistent sarcasm.
I also fell in love. That was pretty cool. But if you saw those chocolate colored raspberries, you would fall in love, too.
Another pretty cool thing about this summer was the Cheetah Girls: One World. You will not believe how realistic the plotline was. I'm assuming you have no life, seeing as how you are a teacher, so I will tell you the story.
3 girls [There were 4, but one quit. Or whatever. They say she "was taking a summer course" but she obviously got pregnant, or something] are in some band that's not cool anymore, and they burst into song in the middle of the restaurant [and of course all the waiters can dance, too] and then get a call to try out for some movie. They try out, and they make it, but only one can be the star. One of the girls meets the boy she's been talking to on the phone in India, and he turns out to be a prince, and he provides the movie's location as long as the producer promises to make the girl the lead. But the producer falls in love with the other girl, so he obviously doesn't want to make the prince's girlfriend the lead. And the third girl is helping this popular dude who got case in the movie dance, because he gets all flustered around the choreographer, who's some commonplace ugly chick. In the end, the commonplace ugly chick gets the lead, the creepy fortune-telling sketch hooks up with all 3 of them, and they get trampled by elephants. Or something like that. I fell asleep an hour into it.
I also attended all the sales Staples had and got loads of steals on my school supplies. Pencils for 2 cents? Notebooks for 6 cents? A sharpener for free? COUNT ME IN.
That's pretty much it for my summer. Pretty run of the mill stuff.
Love, Paulabee.
P.S. Hannah Montana's concert was actually really not cool. And Demi Lovato getting her gap fixed was not appreciated.
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