Things I learned during my first week as a sophmore in Stuyvesant High School:

1) Freshmen are tiny. The fact that sophmores ever were freshmen is a shocking and unbelievable fact that you still can't fully comprehend.
2) The senior bar is still offlimits. Very, very offlimits.
3) The halls get even more crowded every year. And freshmen are completely capable of shoving and pushing sophmores to their feet.
4) Running from the 2nd to the 9th floor in under 4 minutes is an impossible feat to accomplish.
5) Especially when you're wearing flats that you have not yet broken in.
6) And carrying 2 chemistry textbooks. Two thick chemistry textbooks.
7) Contrary to your hopes, the sophmore boys did not get any more attractive. Although
they got taller. Something that you, at 5 feet and half an inch, do not appreciate.
8) Telling your very bat-like assistant principal that she should go hang upside down on a tree branch might cause her to burst into tears. But how were you to know that she had a long history of ridicule from her fellow classmates throughout her elementary school career? Yes, 8 year olds can be very cruel people if they choose to be.
9) If you thought your 10th floor homeroom would get switched to a lesser floor, you were very very wrong in your assumption. Sadly wrong.
10) Classes that are only 27 minutes long? Very nice.
11) Lunch that is only 27 minutes long? Very, very upsetting,
12) Freshman boys - ooh la la.
13) Ooh la la. Those freshman boys.
14) Those are some seriously attractive freshman boys.
15) The. freshman. boys. are. unexplicably. hot.
16) Don't talk to your friends, even if they're sitting right next to you. No matter how tempting it will be. Because, seriously, your teachers WILL separate you. And put you in the front of the room to "keep an eye on". Which means that texting is not a possibility. Which, frankly, sucks.
17) Truly a suckish situation.
18) And if you're sitting next to your friend, and are passing them notes about your very round and temperamental teacher, please use a code name. Your teacher might not like being referred to as a , "fat dumb cow with no teaching capabilities."
19) Especially not if you throw in that it's, "about time she gave birth to the growing quintuplets that have been living in her stomach throughout your high school experience"
20) And don't curse in Russian in Spanish class, because it is a possibility that your spanish teacher knows like 580705 different languages and knows exactly what you said, and that it was about her and her unibrow.
21) Don't make fun of your math teacher's math tie. It is a possibility that it was made for him by his dyslexic son. Y'know. A highly unlikely possibility. But one that might have happened. To you.
22) You TOTALLY have the right to remain silent about your evil doings, even if your english teacher explains that this is a classroom, not a precint, and she is a teacher, and not a police officer.
23) If your female teacher is telling you this, don't mutter under your breath the words, "you're not a teacher. you're just an overweight amish man who's buying his time until he can go into retirement" because you just might be very close to the truth and she might just get very offended.
24) Starting a water balloon fight in computer science class and damaging 15,000$ of equipment is not something the adminstration takes lightly.
And lastly,
25) These days, people might take the threat that you're, "GOING TO BLOW UP THE SCHOOL AND EVERYONE IN IT" very, very seriously. And they might just search your pockets, your backpack, your locker, AND your home. And then they might kick you out of Stuyvesant High School. And your mother might not take it as lightly as she did when you got fired from your job. Just a thought.